How exciting!

My sister got engaged last night! This morning she asked me to be her maid of honor! (Of course, if she hadn't, I might have killed her this afternoon ;-) Now I hope she picks out a decent dress for me to wear and gives me enough time to lose maybe 10 pounds or so...

Because her job involves media relations for an athletic team, her boyfriend (oops, fiance) was able to arrange to have a photographer hiding to capture the proposal. This is my favorite picture, after he asked, after she said yes, when they were walking away, was the first time she actually looked at the ring.


Congratulations, Seester!

National Transportation Stupidity Board

NTSB: Plane at Midway needed more runway

Well, no shit. Did you have to conduct a study to find that out?

Oh, I did have one more thing...

I forgot. Last weekend, for my birthday, we went to the art museum and the zoo. (We're members at the museum, and are planning to join the zoo, but the great thing about this city is that most of the cultural activities are free.) There is an exhibit at the zoo called The Living World. You punch in your birthdate, and it tells you lots of fun (and somewhat depressing) stuff about the world we live in, and life in general.

So here you go...

Since you were born, 12,784 days have passed, and in those days:

• 4.56 billion people have been born
• 385,000 seal skins have been obtained from the Pribilof Islands off the coast of Alaska
• The United States has produced 2.21 thousand quadrillion BTUs of energy
• 77,000 tons of nuclear waste have been dumped at sea
• 7.09 billion tons of Sulphur Dioxide have been emitted into the atmosphere (the major contributor of acid rain)

Thank you for coming into the St. Louis Zoo.

NO, St. Louis Zoo. Thank YOU!

Some fun bits, stolen from others...

Because I am lazy, I have very little in the way of commentary or insight this week. I can say that Ford has decided to resume advertising in gay publications, in defiance of the protests from the religious wrong. (There's nothing "right" about 'em.) I kid myself that my letter of complaint may have been a flake of snow in the avalanche that changed their minds. I mean, how would they possibly stay in business without my purchase of a $20,000 car every six or seven years?

I'm not enjoying the holidays quite as much as I normally do. Our anniversary was November 21, followed two days later by Lisa's birthday, then Thanksgiving, then my birthday a few days ago, and of course Christmas and New Year's. So, normally, for about 40 days or so I'm happy as a clam. This year, I'm happy, but the clam thing? Nope. Dunno why, hoping it passes. (We are on the strict phase of the damn South Beach Diet again, trying to lose a bit of excess poundage before the holiday week...that might have something to do with it.)

My sister is blogging. Finally.

And he posted a couple of swell links today: one that lets you make a great "life poster" and another that lets you avoid the endless automated-answerer phone tree at pretty much every major corporation in America.

Shit is pissing me off.

The Ford Motor Company has bowed to pressure from the American Family Association (yes, those bigoted wacko freaks again), and agreed to pull their advertising from gay publications. In response, I have bowed to pressure from my conscience and decided that, though I've been driving Fords for several years, I will never buy another Ford unless or until they reverse this ridiculous position. I wrote to tell them as much. Dumb asses.

I'm sick as hell of those Lexus "December to Remember" commercials. One person after another is shown browsing catalogs looking for that perfect gift. Rejecting golf clubs and cashmere sweaters (expensive, yes, but still in the hundreds of dollars, I'd imagine), each person settles instead on a FUCKING LEXUS. Why, hell, I totally understand where they're coming from. Just yesterday, I was thinking, would Lisa like a movie, or perfume, or something for the house? Well, I can't decide, so why not a $38,000 car!?! Who are these people? If we could even afford a car that expensive, it certainly wouldn't be a surprise gift. The only thing to remember about that December would be that I'd be filing bankruptcy and moving in with my sister after Lisa kicked me out of the house. So, Ford can't market a Focus to gays and lesbians for fear of offending someone, but Lexus can happily market to what must be a relatively small, smug segment of the population. Well, that offends me.

Finally, those folks who think you should LOVE LOVE LOVE your job. It's a nice idea, but I love my house and my life and I like my job, which lets me afford to live in my house and have a nice vacation once in a while. What gets me the most is the saying, "Do what you love, and the money will follow." What if you love being a social worker...does the money ever follow that?

Ok, I'm untying my horse from the bitching post and riding off into the sunset. Git along, li'l doggies.

Where a kid can be a kid...

The good news is, Chuck E. Cheese now has a policy that every game is one-token-per-play, and they've dramatically improved the quality of their pizza. The bad news? It's still rather nerve-shattering to be in that place for two hours or more on a Sunday afternoon, surrounded by hundreds of shrieking, running, hyper kids ranging in age (for the most part) from 3-8.

Why were we there? Well, one of our nieces turns 7 this week, so we helped her parents throw her a party with 10 little friends. She had a great time, which is the important thing, of course. In our area, all of the parties were for kids ages 3-7...and there were many. But nearby, a HUGE party was being held for a 1-year-old. Word to the wise...I KNOW you're happy to have your kid, and super happy that he's turning 1, but parties at ol' Chuck E.'s place are not cheap, and your kid doesn't know his ass from his elbow, much less his birthday from any other day. So, throw that family party at home and put the money in a high-yield savings account for the 5-year-old party with the beanie-wearing mouse...you're going to need it.

And, on a side note, I could have sworn that Billy Bob Thornton was the legal father of Angelina Jolie's older kid, even though their divorce gave her sole custody. So is Billy Bob signing over the kid to Brad Pitt? And why the hell do I even KNOW about this? I should have my cable and internet disconnected now.

Holiday fun.

I love December, I love Christmas (and I love the fact that other faiths celebrate holidays in December), and everything that comes with it....decorating, shopping, eating (too much) and just the overall feeling of goodwill that should exist all the time. We haven't put up our tree yet (it's late for us, and will be fun to decorate the new house for the first time). But, to get into the spirit, I'll share with you a fun item that was circulated on a Yahoo! group for gay and lesbian families here in town, with a link to the website from which it came:

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE MARRIAGE

Every Gay down in Gayville liked Gay Marriage a lot......
But the Grinch, who lived just east of Gayville, did NOT!!

The Grinch hated happy Gays! The whole Marriage season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, his Florsheims were too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all was
His heart and brain were two sizes too small.

"And they're buying their tuxes!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow's the first Gay Wedding! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Gay Marriage from coming!"

For, tomorrow, he knew... All the Gay girls and boys
would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their vows!
And then! Oh, the Joys! Oh, the Joys!

And THEN they'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Gay down in Gayville the tall and the small,
would stand close together, all happy and blissing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Gays would start kissing!

"I MUST stop Gay Marriage from coming! ...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he went to his closet, grabbed his sheet and his hood.
And he chuckled, and clucked, with a great Grinchy word!
"With this beard and this cross, I look just like our Lord!"

"All I need is a Scripture..." The Grinch looked around.
But, true Scripture is scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...? No! The Grinch simply said,
"With no Scripture on Marriage, I'll fake one instead!"
"It's one man and one woman," the Grinch falsely said.

Then he broke in the courthouse. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Georgie could do it, then so could the Grinch.
The little Gay benefits hung in a row.
"These bennies," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most uncanny,
around the whole room, and he took every benny!
Health care for partners! Doctors for kiddies!
Tax rights! Adoptions! Pensions and Wills!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, with a chill,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, in his bill.

Then he slunk to the kitchen, and stole Wedding Cake.
He cleaned out that icebox and made it look straight.
He took the Gay-bar keys! He took the Gay Flag.
Why, that Grinch even took their last Gay birdseed bag!

"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will pocket their Rings."
And the Grinch grabbed the Rings, and he started to shove
when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and off flew his hood.
Little Lisa-Bi Gay behind him sadly stood.
The Grinch had been caught by small Lisa-Bi.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "My, oh, my, why?"
"Why are you taking our Wedding Rings? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Shepherd sneered,
"The judges are evil, the other states weird."
"I'll fix the rings there and I'll bring them back here."

It was quarter past dawn... All the Gays, still a-bed,
all the Gays still a-snooze when he packed up and fled.
"Pooh-Pooh to the Gays!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now no Gay Marriage is coming!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
then the Gays down in Gayville will all cry Boo-Hoo!"

He stared down at Gayville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Gay down in Gayville, the tall and the small,
was kissing! Without any bennies at all!
He HADN'T stopped Marriage from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came without lawyers, no papers to sort!"
"It came without licenses, came without courts!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe Marriage," he thought, "doesn't come from the court.
Maybe Marriage...perhaps... comes right from the heart.
Maybe Marriage comes from all the words the Gays say.
Words like Husband, like Wedding, and Spouse who is Gay."
And what happened then...? Well...in Gayville they say
that the Grinch's small brain grew three sizes that day!

And the Gays had their Weddings. They promised for life.
They swore to be faithful, to Wife and her Wife.
The Husbands were happy, to each other they vowed
To be Out and be Honest, be Gay and be Proud.
They told all their neighbors and friends of their Spouse,
They told of their Marriage and sharing their house.
They said "We got Married." They shouted it loud.
Their marital status was "Married and Proud."

And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light.
And he brought back the rings, cake and Gay birdseed bags!
And he... ...HE HIMSELF... hung the Gay Rainbow Flag!
...
The Lord looked down, at the proud and the tall,
and said "These are my children, and I love them all."

---

Copyright (c) 2004 by Mary Ann Horton. Permission granted to copy in whole, with attribution. This is a parody of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas."