Needed: Armor.

I am not made for life in this world, with my tender heart. I protect myself with jokes and sarcasm (which my former boss pointed out is simply the verbalization of hostility and anger; I disagreed, until my therapist said, "She's right, you know." Damn.). I saw a woman today, sitting in a wheelchair while holding a cane, waiting for someone--I wasn't immediately sure who--to pay the cashier for parking so they could proceed from the garage lobby to their car to exit. She was crying, and I almost cried with her, right there in the lobby, and I have NO idea why she was crying. Maybe she's dying, or her child or parent (we were at the medical center, after all). Maybe she can't pay her medical bills, or those of someone she loves. Maybe she simply had a horrible headache--I've cried over those before, too--but the point is simply that I ache when I see things like that. I want to cry when I see older people working their asses off at Wal-Mart or McDonald's or anywhere really. I don't have anything against hard work, or any work, and for all I know those people are as happy as clams. A friend once said I look down on those people and I don't think that's true; I fully realize that others might find my job horrible and mundane and pitiable, so I do recognize that my personal biases come into play. But any hint of struggle or sadness just makes me come undone.

I looked up "tender" in the thesaurus, and found the following:

Main Entry:	vulnerable
Part of Speech:	adjective
Definition:	attackable
Synonyms:	accessible, assailable, defenseless, exposed, liable, naked, pigeon, ready, sensitive, sitting duck, sucker, susceptible, tender, thin-skinned, unguarded, unprotected, unsafe, weak, wide open
Antonyms:	guarded, protected, safe, secure

That's me, most definitely exposed, sensitive, unguarded and wide open. You'd never know it, though, if you knew me. I'm not sure even my closest friends would guess how often I am paralyzed by the good in others, and by the bad in all of us.