Life is simply. Not. Fair.
A friend of mine became a grandmother today. At the age of 34.
For the record, she's precisely 3 months younger than I am. And she's a grandmother because her oldest child--aged 15, or perhaps not quite 15--has fathered his own child, a child whose mother is 13 years old, neglected by her own family and is abused in one or more ways by this baby's father. (I'm not speculating here; I've heard his own mother say he pushed and shoved her around during the pregnancy.)
They have named this baby Abcd. Yes, Abcd, as in the first four letters of the alphabet, but pronounced "Ab-so-dee," rhyming with rhapsody, I suppose. (When I heard they were considering this, I was so sure it was a joke that I suggested Lmnop--"ellamenopee"--as a middle name.) When she is older, she will shoot them while they sleep for naming her that, I think.
Why in the fuck do these people have a baby and I don't? Why did we lose our much-wanted little embryo so early that we had only just started to feel like it was real, and these little moronic shits have a baby they probably don't even want, and are absolutely not equipped to care for? I am soaking up every second of caring for my brother's baby because I know I may never have this opportunity again, and while I'll be happy when she is joyfully reunited with her parents, I'm already trying to figure out if tape or glue or liquor will be the thing that holds me together when she goes home. And some stupid teenagers have had a baby and named her Abcd. I hate feeling like this, and I hate that in my mind, some people deserve to have a baby before me, after me, whenever they happen to have one, but others should get the hell in line behind me in case scientists announce a discovery that there is a finite number of babies. I hate being a selfish, bitter person. Life sucks.
(Don't get me wrong. I'm still excited about the Jodie Foster movie, but even that isn't making me totally happy right now, and that, my friends, is a true reflection of just how pissed off, sad and angry I am at the universe in general.)
For the record, she's precisely 3 months younger than I am. And she's a grandmother because her oldest child--aged 15, or perhaps not quite 15--has fathered his own child, a child whose mother is 13 years old, neglected by her own family and is abused in one or more ways by this baby's father. (I'm not speculating here; I've heard his own mother say he pushed and shoved her around during the pregnancy.)
They have named this baby Abcd. Yes, Abcd, as in the first four letters of the alphabet, but pronounced "Ab-so-dee," rhyming with rhapsody, I suppose. (When I heard they were considering this, I was so sure it was a joke that I suggested Lmnop--"ellamenopee"--as a middle name.) When she is older, she will shoot them while they sleep for naming her that, I think.
Why in the fuck do these people have a baby and I don't? Why did we lose our much-wanted little embryo so early that we had only just started to feel like it was real, and these little moronic shits have a baby they probably don't even want, and are absolutely not equipped to care for? I am soaking up every second of caring for my brother's baby because I know I may never have this opportunity again, and while I'll be happy when she is joyfully reunited with her parents, I'm already trying to figure out if tape or glue or liquor will be the thing that holds me together when she goes home. And some stupid teenagers have had a baby and named her Abcd. I hate feeling like this, and I hate that in my mind, some people deserve to have a baby before me, after me, whenever they happen to have one, but others should get the hell in line behind me in case scientists announce a discovery that there is a finite number of babies. I hate being a selfish, bitter person. Life sucks.
(Don't get me wrong. I'm still excited about the Jodie Foster movie, but even that isn't making me totally happy right now, and that, my friends, is a true reflection of just how pissed off, sad and angry I am at the universe in general.)
posted by tp at 8:37 PM
2 Comments:
Ugggggggggggggh. You know, every time you think you've heard it all/the worst, something comes along to blow it out of the water. ABCD???????????????????????????
I am so, so, sorry that you have to suffer this. And the situation with your niece is heartbreaking (and wonderful) at the same time. I'm hurting for you already for when she goes home.
Lots of love, hugs, and ice cream to you, my friend.
And glad you're back to blogging (in your own identity)!
missed you!
Good to see you around - and I SOOOOO get it - this august marks 3 years of trying to procure the one thing so many others pop out at random and can't take care of - the yearnings get WORSE with each passing month.
it sucks.
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