Did I ever tell you the one about...
...my grandfather? No? Well, first off, I am lucky enough to still have 3 of my 4 grandparents living and in relatively good health, considering they are all aged 77 to 80. (My grandfather only died a couple of years ago, so I was blessed to have all of my grandparents well into my 30s, for which I am grateful.) My widowed grandmother still travels with us, is taking up golf this year and will still offer to turn me over her knee if I get out of line. My mom's parents? My granddad is 80 and still golfs, goes to church a couple of times a week, and mows the lawn himself. My grandmother is frail and not well, but still can get up and around and talk, do crosswords, check e-mail, etc. So, all in all, I'm lucky, and feel like it's a really great and unique thing that I've gotten to know my grandparents in my adulthood. Golfing with my granddad, in particular, has been one of my favorite memories because I have a large, close family and it's rare to get time alone with him.
In my mom's family, she and each of her two sisters have a gay child. My mom's older sister has a gay son who struggles with it, but not as much as his parents, who seem to think he might be able to be "cured." My mom's younger sister has a daughter who is married to a great woman, and with whom she had a baby boy last year. That aunt is very supportive of both her daughter, and of homosexuality and gender-identity issues in general. (My mom has a younger brother, too, but only one of his children is out of childhood, so whether or not he has any gay kids is an unknown.)
Anyway, this has all been a lot for my small-town, elderly, Southern Methodist, raised-in-the-country grandparents to absorb. My aunt reminds us that when my grandfather was my age, he never talked about sex or relationships at all, probably. She's right. My grandmother is coming around and is more open in discussing the issue; she's been very welcoming to our partners. My grandfather won't discuss it, but he loves the women my cousin and I are with. He calls Lisa my "better half." (He loves her more than he loves me, I think, but that's ok.) So, knowing all of that:
I was at my grandparents' home last year, and for some reason I was the only one there with them. This is rare, that neither my mom, nor aunts, nor siblings or cousins, had arrived yet. So, we were sitting in the family room watching TV. The Ellen DeGeneres American Express commercial came on...you know, the one where she dances through her day? I'd never seen it, and laughed and said, "That's cute." My grandmother said, "Yeah, I guess she dances to start her show every day." Quiet for a moment, the ad ends and another comes on. Several seconds later, my grandfather says, '"I don't like that woman." We look quizzically at one another, then the TV, where some dog food commercial or something is on. Finally, I say, "You mean Ellen DeGeneres?"
"Yes," he says, " I think she's queer."
"Hmmm," I say, "no kidding."
My grandmother says, "Of course she is, Harold. And the word isn't 'queer.' It's 'gay'."
I just said, "Well, actually, some people prefer 'queer.' It's more gender-neutral and, frankly, more political." But inside I was laughing.
Am I a self-loathing homosexual because that didn't bother me? Maybe, but what makes me laugh is that he loves me and he loves Lisa but Ellen is, to him, "other" and "weird." And I laughed because I never dreamed I'd have this conversation with my grandparents.
In my mom's family, she and each of her two sisters have a gay child. My mom's older sister has a gay son who struggles with it, but not as much as his parents, who seem to think he might be able to be "cured." My mom's younger sister has a daughter who is married to a great woman, and with whom she had a baby boy last year. That aunt is very supportive of both her daughter, and of homosexuality and gender-identity issues in general. (My mom has a younger brother, too, but only one of his children is out of childhood, so whether or not he has any gay kids is an unknown.)
Anyway, this has all been a lot for my small-town, elderly, Southern Methodist, raised-in-the-country grandparents to absorb. My aunt reminds us that when my grandfather was my age, he never talked about sex or relationships at all, probably. She's right. My grandmother is coming around and is more open in discussing the issue; she's been very welcoming to our partners. My grandfather won't discuss it, but he loves the women my cousin and I are with. He calls Lisa my "better half." (He loves her more than he loves me, I think, but that's ok.) So, knowing all of that:
I was at my grandparents' home last year, and for some reason I was the only one there with them. This is rare, that neither my mom, nor aunts, nor siblings or cousins, had arrived yet. So, we were sitting in the family room watching TV. The Ellen DeGeneres American Express commercial came on...you know, the one where she dances through her day? I'd never seen it, and laughed and said, "That's cute." My grandmother said, "Yeah, I guess she dances to start her show every day." Quiet for a moment, the ad ends and another comes on. Several seconds later, my grandfather says, '"I don't like that woman." We look quizzically at one another, then the TV, where some dog food commercial or something is on. Finally, I say, "You mean Ellen DeGeneres?"
"Yes," he says, " I think she's queer."
"Hmmm," I say, "no kidding."
My grandmother says, "Of course she is, Harold. And the word isn't 'queer.' It's 'gay'."
I just said, "Well, actually, some people prefer 'queer.' It's more gender-neutral and, frankly, more political." But inside I was laughing.
Am I a self-loathing homosexual because that didn't bother me? Maybe, but what makes me laugh is that he loves me and he loves Lisa but Ellen is, to him, "other" and "weird." And I laughed because I never dreamed I'd have this conversation with my grandparents.
posted by tp at 8:50 PM
1 Comments:
That's sweet. I mean, yeah, he's not where you might want him to be ideally but you know, for his generation? He's doing all right. He's got his priorities right where his family is concerned.
My grandmother was kind of like that too.
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